The hole thing

Drew related to me today that someone on Recon asked him, “Why does Thumper need something up his ass?” Which is…an odd question. Why does anyone need anything they like? Why do they like it? What’s the meaning of life? Why is the sky blue?

There’s the obvious physiological explanation. The prostate gland is highly sensitive and a lot of men find its stimulation to be pleasurable. For a denied man, the prostate is made even more sensitive because it’s typically swollen with frustration. There are also a lot of nerves all over that region (the opening of the anus is not unlike the opening of the mouth in terms of sensitivity) and some of us are wired and/or trained to find pleasure from sensations there. Carrying a plug is nothing like being fucked, though. Someone who likes the feeling of a plug in their ass finds that pressure and weight to be pleasurable. Why? I dunno.

Some guys can’t find a way to enjoy ass play. In fact, not even all gay men like ass play. Some have zero interest in it and never integrate their holes into sex. I think that’s probably psychological, but I suspect some men may also have differently wired nerve endings. We’re all special snowflakes, etc.

Some guys are into depth play. Being fucked deeply. There are toys specifically designed to penetrate a long way. Other guys (like me) are more about girth and stretch. I get off on the feeling of being opened up and I’m more into that aspect than how deeply something goes inside me. Depth for me is more a function of girth in that toys tend to get thicker towards their base.

But again, plugs are different. And I like the WMCBP in particular because they’re big, heavy, and yet relatively really easy to leave in for a long time because they have very thin “necks.” The XXXL plug, for example, is 8″ around. That’s almost as big as a Coke can. It weight more than two pounds. There are days when that feels like it’s going to split me but there are also days when I wish it was bigger and heavier. That’s what I like and appreciate. It’s a weighty load. But it barely holds my hole open because of the thin tube that connects to the plug’s base.

Beyond all that, my submissive nature needs to be taken into account as well. I have a need to be dominated and controlled. And one way that plays out is Drew’s current control over my ass. This morning, for example, I wasn’t inclined to carry. I just didn’t feel like it. I was almost out of the house with an empty ass when Drew asked me what I was carrying today. He expects I’m carrying every day. So while I didn’t really feel like it, I put the WMCBP Rattler in anyway. It was one he specifcally said he wanted me to carry this week so it’s in now.

So another reason I “need” something up my ass is I crave domination and being forced to put something there is a way that can manifest. You either get that (Dom/sub dynamics, etc.) or you don’t. You either understand how comforting it can feel being locked in front and plugged in back or you don’t.

So…yeah. Because I like it. Because I need it. I crave the expectation. Physical, emotional, mental. A big, complicated ball of reasons. That’s why.

Drawn to Drew

Avid followers of this rabbit’s travails will recall with some interest my past shenanigans with Drew. For those who aren’t and don’t, the short story is he’s a world traveling executive who lives in another city than me and who has, from time to time over the years, dominated me. Drew is a sadistic top and I’m a pain slut bottom and we clicked.

Things started out well but as time went on our friendship grew to such an extent that Drew, who identifies as switch and subs to his husband, shared those non-Dom parts of his life with me. Not just the family and work stuff that everyone has and needs friends to tell. Talking about chastity and bottoming and all the stuff associated with being a sub. And, for me, shifting between Dom Drew and sub Drew was hard. Too hard. I found I couldn’t take a Dom seriously who wanted to show me his new chastity device and tell me about the growing confidence of his newly dominant husband. So as Drew found new kinky friends and outlets for his interests and spent more and more time out of the country, things just…drifted off.

Recently, though, we’ve rekindled our dynamic. I call it a dynamic as a punt. It’s a relationship, of a sort, but not one built on romantic love. It’s built almost entirely on power exchange. On him having it and me not. It’s built on the alchemy of how pain can be transformed to pleasure, for both the person inflicting it and the person enduring it. It’s built on his willingness to help me explore my desires to bottom and push myself in that area. And, like any relationship, it’s built on mutual respect.

So, it’s back on. And he’s not going to show me the other side of his swtichiness. Just the Dom aspects. And I’m intentionally not looking for information about that part of him on his blog or elsewhere. Perhaps it’s a sign of my shallowness, but I need him to be Dom Drew and only Dom Drew. And it appears to be working for both of us.

For example. The primary way Drew expresses his domination over me is by telling me what to put in ass and when. That’s usually one of the three metal butt plugs I have, though there are other things, too. For the past three days, I’ve had the largest of these plugs (8″ in circumference) in my ass for hours and hours at a time. Something like 14 hours on Thursday and about 13 hours yesterday. It’s inside me again today and, except for an 11 day trip Belle and I are about to go on, I’m sure it’d be in there into next week.

In consideration of his being unable to direct what my ass does during the time I’m traveling, he’s imposed a cost. I will owe him two hours of plug carrying for every day I’m empty. In addition, he’s requiring 20 minutes of my nipples being banded by elastrators for each of those non-carry days. This will mean a minimum of 22 hours plugged and nearly four hours banded, though he’s willing to break that up over two or three days. So considerate.

So, if you been following along on Twitter and wondering WTF was up with all this Drew talk again, that’s the score.